American Idol April 7, 2009 Birth Year Night

I have no juice for this episode. Adam has removed the drama and tonight was the same.

Danny Gokey. Stand By Me. I paused the Tivo to make this note. This is a bad song choice. It's been sung too many times and unless he's really done some out-there arrangement, this can be no better than OK. Unpause. This is the worst by him in several weeks--totally mailed it in. Slow, dull smooth jazz. He closed strong but I note that he disregarded the judges good advice to move around. Moving around takes the focus off of his dorky looks.

Did you know Stephen King wrote the story that the movie Stand By Me is based on? God, I love that movie. And most of the reason is the scene that precedes this one, also in the junk yard (stupid Youtube doesn't have the great moment when they talk about the "A" and "E" starting to bend around the edges of Annette's sweater on the Mickey Mouse Club).



Kris Allen. He told a nice anecdote about how someone told him to say hi to Adam. That made me like Kris just a little more than I don't; even he knows it's over. All She Wants To Do Is Dance. Idol has a new locale that some people get to sing in: "The pit"...surrounded by teen girls. He's got a too-cool-for-school-jazz vibe that is unbearable. I despise the arrangement. I listened twice and guarantee that the guitar was not plugged in.



(That is unwatchable.)

Lil Rounds. What’s Love Got To Do With It. It's about the best she’s looked, which is not great. Her shoes are so high that she can’t move comfortably.



Her vocals are OK but not great. I feel sorry for her now. At one point, she was a front-runner. Now she's solidly middle of the pack. Uh oh…when Paula pans you, it’s trouble. Judges hacked it up.

Anoop Desai. True Colors. Go Heels. It's a beautiful song, beautifully done. His lime-striped sweater is G. A. Y. Kara offers sage advice, "To win, you have to control the song, don’t let it control you." Every time she talks, I want to do that--->.

Scott McIntyre. Speaking of pounding heads into walls. The Search Is Over. Scott, Scott, Scott. If you're going to pick a Survivor song, there's only one to choose:


(If that song is on in my head, I start strutting like Travolta. Ah fuck, that calls for another video aside. This is the best video aside ever. All this is way better than Scott's review.


).<--

His kid photo is him dressed as a vampire. (The Staying Alive music is still playing as I write this. SO AWESOME!) I have to apologize for this in advance Scott. I hoped you would not last so long that I finally had to do this but here goes. Dude, the vampire costume was perfect because you, my blind friend, have some bad chiclets. Run home, get a file, and shave those things down. Your super-handsome brother is not looking out for you man. You're Danny DeVito to his Arnold. A dentist could get rich off you. Scott's guitar "playing" was awful. He went to the Kris Allen school of guitar where moving around the E form barre chord counts as guitar-playing. Only it doesn't, especially when it fucking blows. His guitar-playing is better than his vocals, which made even my too-kind wife cringe. Good thing this show has Simon, who is the only judge not on eggshells, "It was horrible." No doubt one of the most painful Idol performances ever.

Allison Iraheta. I Can’t Make You Love Me. ("I'm going nowhere, somebody help me yeaaaahh....") Another Tivo pause. I'm a bit worried because she's already got a Bonnie Raitt-like voice and the perfect way to sing this song--for Allison--is just to copy it, which sometimes is dull. Unpause. She should have picked something more rocking but she still does a good copycat. Allison’s always got me. The judges once again spend the entire time criticizing her for something unrelated to her vocals. ("You need to let America get to know you." Fuck off.) But the judges know she's good. Come on America. Keep her in it.

Matt Giraud. Part-time Lover. (Staying Alive music just ended. Fuckall.) He's back with the awful hat. Despite his New Kids look (I refuse to put that video up), his vocals won me over by the end of the song. Judges love it.

Adam Lambert. It's striking that his parents look so normal. I have no idea what this song is. (Mad World.) The first thing I notice is how he's lit differently every week. I have to guess that this is part of his mastery of the stage. Most others just come out and sing their song with little variation--he's in some funky blue glow, which goes along with the unpainted Blue Man sitting unmoving in the audience tonight. The show is completely rushed for time and he still pulls off a slow ballad masterstroke. The competition for second goes on. Adam wins the night again.

Top. Adam.

Top of the rest: Allison, Matt.

Bottom. Most of the field was OK. Except Scott. He fucking blows.

I am off my game this week. You deserve better my 3 readers. Even Jordan had an off night every once in a while.