Happy October!

The Palin Rules

From the day late department (and derived from our friends at iReport - http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-99661) comes these rules which I bet we all wish we had before last night's debate. We give you the Palin Rules. Every time Palin says the following, you have to take a drink:

1) "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere: Demand a new drink from your hosts, say "thanks but no thanks," and then when no one's looking, take it anyway, then claim you never wanted it.

2) References how you can see Russia from Alaska and calls it "experience."

3) Winks or gives a thumbs up to the audience.

4) Hockey Mom: Drink a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, head to the nearest dive bar, talk up the first bimbo that you see, and make your own Hockey Mom.

5) Says a world leader's name, two drinks if it's pronounced correctly.

6) Says any of these words/phrases: Alaska, Bridge to Nowhere, energy regulator, energy producing state, executive experience, job creation, Washington elite/establishment, media elite, corporate greed, pitbull, lipstick, or maverick.

7) Joe Six Pack: You guessed it - drink 6 beers.

8) Leaves off a trailing "g" - takin', leavin', changin', etc.: You Betcha' - drink three times.

9) Any time Palin answers a question, and someone at your party blurts out "WTF is she talking about?"

10) When Palin claims that Washington's problems can be solved by small town know how and common sense: Drink a Labatt Blue as you read up on how to become a Canadian citizen.

11) When Palin recounts putting the governor's jet on eBay: Auction off a beer to your friends.

12) When Palin insists that governing a small town in Alaska is in fact experience: Give your friend a shot glass of beer when he/she asks for a pint and insist it's the same thing.

13) When Palin talks about being the most popular governor in the country: Go to a room by yourself, realize you're the most popular person in the room, then finish your drink.

14) When Palin mentions being a champion for special needs kids: Say Hockey Mom, then drink two cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon, head to the local watering hole, chat up the first spent 40-year old cougar that you see, and make your own.

15) When Palin mentions John McCain having led the charge for deregulation: Drink three beers and wait for your savings and loan to collapse.

McCain's Handlers for President?

Hoping for a train wreck last night, I got a snoozefest. I have to hand it to McCain's handlers, they can write great speeches and really know how to make the uninformed sound somewhat credible. I need to retain these guys to prepare my clients for depositions. If they can fill the void between the ears of an annoying, mindless, worthless idiot like Palin (who knew nothing about any of the issues 5 weeks ago (save energy)), just think what they can do for an innocent business owner wrongfully sued by some deadbeat or another? I wonder if they can govern as well, I sure hope so - because they'll have to - McNasty and McStupid sure aren't up for the job.

The bail out/rescue plan: Congressional leadership at work

The original bill was about 4 pages long; the new one is over 451 pages. I understand if you haven't read it. So let's take a look at what was added in order to insure that this absolutely critical piece of legislation passes.

• $100 million tax break to benefit auto racetrack owners;
• $192 million in rebates on excise taxes for the Puerto Rican and Virgin Islands rum industry;
• $148 million in tax relief for U.S. wool fabric producers;
• a $49 million tax benefit for fishermen and other plaintiffs who sued over the 1989 tanker Exxon Valdez spill;
• and my favorite, a $2 million tax benefit for makers of wooden arrows for children.
  

Look at that last one again. That's right. We're getting the shaft.

Equal time: stupid Obama voters

And here's the flip side from the earlier post about dumb McCain voters.

(no video, just audio)

It really is best to read it every day

The Wall Street Journal has a nice collection of quotes from the House Financial Services Committee about Fannie and Freddie today. It's a reminder about who in Congress was for regulation and who was against it. (Hint: the regulators and de-regulators are not associated with the parties Obama keeps saying, but he'll surely keep saying it anyways.)

Follow the link for the entire thing, but here's an excerpt.

House Financial Services Committee hearing, Sept. 10, 2003:

Rep. Waters (D. Calif): However, I have sat through nearly a dozen hearings where, frankly, we were trying to fix something that wasn't broke. Housing is the economic engine of our economy, and in no community does this engine need to work more than in mine. With last week's hurricane and the drain on the economy from the war in Iraq, we should do no harm to these GSEs. We should be enhancing regulation, not making fundamental change.

Mr. Chairman, we do not have a crisis at Freddie Mac, and in particular at Fannie Mae, under the outstanding leadership of Mr. Frank Raines. Everything in the 1992 act has worked just fine. In fact, the GSEs have exceeded their housing goals. . . .

Rep. Frank (D. Mass.): Let me ask [George] Gould and [Franklin] Raines on behalf of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, do you feel that over the past years you have been substantially under-regulated?

Mr. Raines?

Mr. Raines: No, sir.

Mr. Frank: Mr. Gould?

Mr. Gould: No, sir. . . .

Mr. Frank: OK. Then I am not entirely sure why we are here. . . .

Rep. Frank: I believe there has been more alarm raised about potential unsafety and unsoundness than, in fact, exists.

...

Senate Banking Committee, Oct. 16, 2003:

Sen. Charles Schumer (D., N.Y.): And my worry is that we're using the recent safety and soundness concerns, particularly with Freddie, and with a poor regulator, as a straw man [ed. note straw man he says, what a maroon] to curtail Fannie and Freddie's mission...

Mr. Franklin Raines (then-CEO of Fannie Mae): But more importantly, banks are in a far more risky business than we are.

I love how these Congresspeople on the House Finance Committee(!) go to the fox to ask if it needs more help guarding the henhouse--and then take it seriously when the fox says "no."

Fox: Fair and Balanced!

Just up the rode from Sam and me in Scranton, a FoxNews reporter takes a survey. Looks like the race in PA is tightening up.

Informed electorate

I like this one but don't get too arrogant Obama people. You have people like this in your camp too!

It's time to get frightened and STAY frightened

Let's face it folks. It's not a fairy tale. It's not beyond the realm of possiblity. It's even conceivable. Sarah Palin could be our next Vice President. So, the worst President in U.S. history could very well be followed by the worst Vice President in U.S history, who very well could herself (with McCain's ill health) one day rise (read: sink) to W's exalted (read: pathetic) spot at the bottom of the heap. After all, W was re-elected after a disastrous 4 years, where he plunged us into an unnecessary war (at the cost of countless thousands of American lives), created unprecedented budget deficits (by lowering taxes and increasing spending), destroyed our status in the world community, broke about every treaty that he could, and led our economy to the brink of collapse, all while managing to take more vacations than any other U.S. President. But I digress, while Bush might not of known who was the President of Pakistan when he ran for President,


Palin thinks that Putin flying over Alaska's airspace and Russia being near to the Alaska's border makes her qualified on foreign policy. Surely I must be joking, you say? Shockingly, I'm not:



OK, she doesn't know anything about foreign policy, but she must know something about the biggest financial issue in recent years and the proposed $700 billion bailout, right? Not a chance:



OK, so she's no financial expert, but surely she knows John McCain well enough to point out a single example of how the self-proclaimed Senate "Maverick" has pushed for increased financial regulations during his 26 years in Congress. I think you know where this is headed:



Maybe we should just vote for someone else. How about someone who looks like Palin, can sound like her, can read (from teleprompters) and write (she's won 4 writing Emmys), and has over two years of executive experience running a program whose budget exceeds that of Alaska's (30 Rock). Yes, folks, you heard it here first: Tina Fey for Vice President. And for those that don't think she can do as well as Palin, check out this performance:

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/couric-palin-open/704042/

Congressional failure of leadership

Dear Congress:

Today you failed to pass the bail out plan, a terribly ill-spun layman's description of the "Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008." Maybe we should stop right there: Did you stop to clearly explain to the Americans who hate the thought of bailing out "fatcat Wall Street CEOs," to paraphrase our Marxist populist-fear-fanning-Democratic-presidential nominee, what it is this bill does? No.

And why would you? I mean, it's only the most important piece of legislation in 30 years. How about breaking in to the prime time Survivor slot with an explanation that this bill isn't bailing out anyone except everyone? That it's not 700 billion America will never see again unless property values go to zero. That making sure money keeps flowing is crucial, not just to Obama's Wall Street fatcats, but also to the average consumer. Fuckall, they did a better job of explaining banking in Mary Poppins than you all did before proposing this bill. Is Dick Van Dyke available to run for Senate? President?


Let's be crystal clear here Congress. I don't lay this blame on any one of you. I don't lay the blame for today's debacle on a party. I lay it at all of your doors. Simple as that. Knowing how dire this crisis is, how dare you propose a bill that won't pass? How dare Speaker Pelosi use the floor debate as a tool to bash the right and Bush at a time when we need a sense of teamwork?

"[W]hen was the last time someone asked you for $700bn? It is a number that is staggering, but tells us only the costs of the Bush administration's failed economic policies — policies built on budgetary recklessness, on an anything-goes mentality, with no regulation, no supervision, and no discipline in the system."

"Democrats believe in the free market, which can and does create jobs, wealth, and capital, but left to its own devices it has created chaos."

"Democrats insisted that legislation responding to this crisis must protect the American people and Main Street from the meltdown on Wall Street. The American people did not decide to dangerously weaken our regulatory and oversight policies. They did not make unwise and risky financial deals. They did not jeopardise the economic security of the nation. And they must not pay the cost of this emergency recovery and stabilisation bill."

Nancy, you stupid cunt, (guess I am calling out a few individuals after all), what the fuck is wrong with you? I guess the "I told you so" moment trumped the import of the occasion?

And how did our Congresscritter presidential candidates fare in this? McCain's photo-op retreat to Washington now looks like a failure because he didn't get the parties to work together, as he has so often brags is his strength. Obama's "don't forget me" Washington visit looks even more useless. Throughout the crisis, neither man has showed the balls to take a position on the bill, instead waiting to see how the political winds shifted before taking any stand on it.

So Congress, with all the world watching (make no mistake, Europe and Asia will take it in the ass tomorrow on the news of this failure), you showed no leadership and I will hold yo u accountable for it in November.

--John Adams

PS. And to you fellow voter: as you step into the booth in 5 weeks, remember this moment of colossal leadership failure as you stare down the ticket at your incumbent Congressperson. The "other guy," whoever it is, should look pretty inviting.

When you turn to cast the presidential vote, I hope you now feel a chill. These men were both spineless in crisis and undeserving of the leadership they aspire to. I wish I could offer a strong third party recommendation. At this point, I nominate the write-in vote for Dick Van Dyke.