It's "Time for Some Campaignin'"

The guys at JiBJab did it again. Another election year hit. Enjoy "It's Time for Some Campaignin'."

Time for Some Campaignin' | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Howard Stern Hypocrisy Watch: Part 2

I don't know about you, but I am sick to death of the King of Some Media's excuses for working four-fifths of the time and taking off an additional 10 weeks. We heard them all folks, haven't we? It's tough getting up at 4 a.m. day in and day out. It's very difficult to be entertaining five hours a day, every day. We get to listen to all sorts of fantastic programming when he's away - Bubba (a second rate hack who couldn't cut it in a tiny market (Tampa) or in D-list syndication (with the likes of Shreveport, Ft. Myers, Macon, Wichita, Hartford, and Jacksonville); Ferrall (perhaps the worst and most annoying sports talk host in world history); Jackie's Joke Hunt (the most unlistenable show of all time); endless of repeats of classic bits and documentaries (with an emphasis on the word "endless"); the Super Fan Round Table (run by a moron named Mutt), etc.

And then there's my favorite. When accosted by fans on the air (most recently by a long-haul truck driver), Howard asks the fans why they don't work on Sundays - one of their days off. That bogus excuse really burns this listener up. Let's take a closer look at Howie's argument using the example of the truck driver caller.

First of all, it is a non-sequitur. The argument would only be valid if the driver didn't already put in a 5-day work week and, of course, I'm sure the driver puts in more than a 5-hour work day.

That said, let's move on to some fun math. There are 52 weeks a year and 260 work days per year. Howard has 10 weeks vacation plus 42 other Friday's off, which means that he works a mere a 168 days per year (64 percent of the time). If you factor in that the man works about 40 percent less in a given day than the average American worker (and about 80 percent less than the average long-haul truck driver), then Howard manages a mere 102 work days per year which is about 39 percent that most of us put in at work.

Now for some more frightening math. Howard is paid about $100 million dollars per year to put on his program and to run his two stations. Not counting the money he makes charging (read: stealing from) us to watch Howard TV and the additional $100 million bonus he earned from Sirius, let's assume that it costs Howard $50 million to operate both Howard 100 and Howard 101 (including salaries) - and that number is extraordinarily high (probably 2 to 3x too high) - that leaves Howard with a mere $50 million per year income. And that means that he earns about $300,000 for each of the 168 shows that he puts on per year, or $500,000 per 8 hour work day, or $60,000 per hour he is on the air.

To put that into perspective, Howard makes twice that of the highest paid player in baseball history, Alex Rodriguez, who earns $26 million for his 162-day "work" year. Each hour that Howard is on the air, he earns:

a) More than 50 percent of the households in America do each year (per the U.S. Census - median household income is $46,000 per year).

b) More than the average school teacher makes per year ($47,000)

c) A little less than half that your family doctor earns ($144,000)

d) More than the average electrical engineer makes ($52,000)

e) About the same as a registered nurse ($58,000)

f) 50 percent more than the average accountant ($40,000)

g) More than the average professional enlisted man ($33,000 - $87,000) and

h) About double the pay for the average long-haul truck driver ($36,000).

So for Howard to dare to even compare his situation to any of his listeners (a caviar to oranges comparison), much less a long-haul truck driver (who works many, many more hours that he does) is the height of hypocrisy and down right outrageous. But don't get me wrong. I am not saying that Howard shouldn't take all that dough. We all would if we could. I am simply saying that he has no business complaining about anything, much less the hours that he works.

"I am here for you."

On my second favorite talk radio show, Whatever on Sirius 112...

Wait. Let's put together the list. My favorite talk radio shows.


1. Stern
2. Whatever
...big drop to...
3. Fresh Air
4. Car Talk

Back to topic, one of the hosts of the show lost her mother to cancer last week. No. That's shit. She didn't lose her. That's so mealy-mouthed. Sounds like someone gave her mom bad directions. "Goddammit. I took a left at Common Cold and ended up here lost to Cancer. Sonofabitch." And so.

People are calling up to offer condolences on the show saying "I'm so sorry. So, so, so , so sorry." What the fuck do you say to that? I mean, Jennifer is gracious and says, "Thanks." In similar situations, I generally say thanks too, and internally think, "You're exhausting me. Go away."

Other callers--keep in mind these are pretty much strangers--say, "I am here for you." Part of me wants Jennifer to say, "Cool. Stay home from work tomorrow and make my kids food, do my laundry, vacuum, take the car for an oil change, pay my bills, etc." These strangers are "there for her" in those 3o seconds of call time.

How can you really be there for someone's who's lost a close relative? See the above list and treat it like a "to do." If you're a stranger, the best thing to do is remember the deceased person's life with the grieving family. Finish this sentence, "You know what I'll never forget about [name], when she [insert touching anecdote]."

You know what I'll never forget about Bunny Koppelman? One day, Alexis Stewart was taking a few shots at Bunny on the air and Bunny called in to say that Alexis reminded her of Martha...a pinpoint hit on Alexis's psychotic-reaction button. Bunny was a sharp lady and even though we never met, I'll miss her.