Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Posted by John Adams at 6:47 PM
This is one of the crock of shit holidays. Among others are:

Father's Day
Valentine's Day
All manner of Secretary's Day
Flag Day
President's Day
Columbus Day
Anniversary Days
Birthdays after 21
Labor Day

Fuck you to all these "Days." From now on, I decapitalize you and refuse to acknowledge your existence.

Days that can stay in the rotation.

Christmas
Easter (only if you have kids)
Independence Day
Veteran's Day (I suggest moving this to Labor Day to have that nice end of Summer holiday)
Memorial Day
New Year's Day
MLK Day
Thanksgiving

Then we should get, as a Constitutional right, 5 floater "days" that we can take whenever we want. Say, July 20 as Moon day for when we landed on the moon. Or March 15 as Fuckoff day because there are no holidays in March.

2 comments:

doughboy914 said...

I generally agree with your premise, but have some comments. Mother's Day and Father's Day should remain holidays. I see nothing wrong with having days that require children to honor their parents especially as those days fall on Sundays. Deadbeat parents should never be honored with a day and no parents should be given a paid day off simply by having children. You simply must add Sweetheart's Day to your list as well as any other alleged holidays that were created by greeting card companies. Until demonstrated otherwise, no one will convince me that Sweetheart's Day was not invented by Hallmark. While discussing Hallmark, I call for a ban - henceforce and forever - from the purchase, use, and dissemination of greeting cards of any kind. What a waste of money!! Personal notes, however brief and however corny are infinitely better than canned, schlock turned out by greedy corporations who prey on our laziness, sentimentality, stupidity, and sense of tradition. Wouldn't everyone rather have $2.50 from every well wisher for every occasion? Hell, if everyone donated the money they put out for greeting cards, we could cure cancer. Seriously. While I am on this rant of mine, I think that every sitting President should be required - each Veteran's Day and each Memorial Day - to visit the troops that he or she put in harm's way so that every President is just a little less reckless with our soldier's lives. And no one should be permitted to serve as President who actively avoided military service during time of war. Yep - this means that Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton were all out. And while I am still at it - we should say goodbye to Christmas and Easter as holidays. Since when does our country - that is required to separate church and state - get to single out two Christian holidays? And, of course, Thanksgiving should go, too. Exactly what are we celebrating? The beginning of our systematic destruction of a mass of cultures and indigenous peoples? And, of course, if you are going to do away with President's Day, Martin Luther King Day has to go as well. No doubt, Mr. King did some great works - no doubt. But does that warrant a national holiday? King did help advance the caution of racial equality - but that cause was advanced much further by Lincoln and by all the small steps millions of people took between him and Mr. King. As we are talking about Mr. King, let me go off on another little rant here. It makes me crazy when anyone is referred to as "Doctor" who does not hold a medical degree. People with PhDs are entitled to put those initials after their name, but not Doctor before it. What's next? Are lawyers are going to call themselves doctors because they hold juris doctor degrees? The only thing worse than PhDs referring to themselves as doctors are those fools who get "honorary" doctorates who call themselves doctors. Case in point is Bill Cosby. Although his doctorate is allegedly not honorary, he got his PhD writing about Fat Albert! It's no joke, but it's certainly a joke. And now that fool refers to himself as "Dr. William H. Cosby." What's next? Dr. Matt Groening? Dr. Trey Parker. Dr. Matt Stone? Dr. Mike Judge? Anyway, returning to your list, New Year's Day should go also. Who cares if we reached another year? Totally stupid. That leaves us with Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, and Independence Day. Those are ok. Instead of all those pointless other holidays, we should just package those ten odd days together and give everyone two weeks off. And I am ok with the last week in December and the whole week in which July 4th appears. Well that's it for now.

And I remain,

Your humble and obediemt servant,

Sam Johnson

5/12/08 5:58 PM
John Adams said...

You make a good point Mr. Johnson, made even more persuasive by the fact that you use single spaces after periods, as only the most-educated people do.

I never heard of Sweetheart's Day so it's crap. I am for rolling Christmas into New Year's Day and thus making New Year's Day the culmination of the holiday season, which I generally favor.

Mother's and Father's Day are still shit. MLK Day is OK--because it's turned into a national day of service. When it was just a day everyone overlooked, it was easier to discount. I like Thanksgiving because it's a 4 day weekend--that in itself makes it a good Day. I rarely reflect on the Pilgrims and smallpox.

Your point about PhDs is a good one, worthy of its own blog post.

5/13/08 1:26 PM

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